How to Successfully Romance a Woman

This assignment all the girls had to write how to successfully romance them. When the teacher read the paper in class, quite a few people were shocked because they took it seriously. Some people have no sense of humor. Sheesh!

So you’ve found a woman you want to romance, but you don’t know how? You’ve come to the right place. Pay close attention and keep an open mind because I’m going to tell you how to romance her so well that she will be your for life, where you want her for that long or not.

Next Sunday night, call her on the telephone at twelve midnight, the witching hour. If she’s asleep, let the phone ring until she wakes up and answers it. Don’t ask, tell her that she will cook you a romantic candlelight dinner Monday night. You will be there at six o’clock and it had better be ready. (A woman loves a man that will impose on her and order her around, so she will happily oblige you with the dinner.) Tell her that she is to serve Maine Lobster first with a twenty dollar bottle of 1982 Far Niente Chardonnay from California, a bowl of hot drawn butter on the side, and a plateful of hushpuppies. For the second course, she will serve Filet Mignon, very rare, with a fifty five dollar bottle of 1981 Chateau Margaux Red Bordeaux, two baked potatoes with tons of butter and sour cream, and a loaf of garlic bread.

After the two courses, she is to serve the salad. (Contrary to popular belief, salad should be served after the dinner, not before. Let her decide the salad’s ingredients because she will appreciate your concern for her desires.) Tell her that you expect her to wear something a little revealing, but it doesn’t have to be formal because you want her to be comfortable. Back off a little bit now and change your tone. Ask her with a sincere and concerned voice how she’s doing and get her to talk about herself for a while. Make sure you keep her up very late, and just before you hang up, tell her that you love her.

Now you are in control, but she doesn’t realize it. All she’s thinking about is how nice it is of you to be concerned about her and that you have actually said the three magic words. you will be on her mind constantly, maybe even in her dreams that night.

What do you wear over to her house for the romantic dinner? A pair of nice jeans and a T-shirt. (She will feel pressured if you dress formal when you told her to dress comfortable.) Be sure to trim your beard or shave before going to her house, whichever applies When you arrive at six-fifteen, don’t knock on the door, just walk in and say, “Honey, I’m here!” Of course, dinner is ready and has been for fifteen minutes.

You pour the wine while she serves you dinner. Sit across the table from her, hold her hand while you are eating, and gaze longingly into her eyes all night long. (No woman can resist this in a romantic candlelight setting.) Talk to her about anything you’d like to talk about, the words don’t matter, just the way you say them. Keep a gentle hushed sound in your voice, like whispering, but loud enough for her to hear what you are saying. (She’s almost totally hooked now, only one more important step and she’s yours!)

You’ve set the perfect stage for romance now, and she wants you bad. No matter how much she begs and pleads, don’t let her take you to bed. Tell her you respect her too much to have casual sex with her before marriage, and instead will leave her alone and go out and get a hooker to take care of your animalistic needs; then leave.

Now that you have shown her that you are the boss, you’re concerned about her, and you love her (you also mentioned possible marriage), she’s yours to do with as you please. Don’t miss out on the next paper, (you’re going to need it), “How to Successfully Get Rid of a Woman You Don’t Want.”

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